Ka oranga te tangata, Ka oranga te whanau, Ka ora tonu nga hapori katoa

 (Healthy Men, Healthy Families, Healthy Communities) (Tom Moke)

 

MALE SUPPORT SERVICES

Member of MSSAT Aotearoa NZ

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I come and see you?

Several options, you can ring us and have a chat – or you can come in and see us. I recommend giving us a call first to make a time. It can be pretty nerve wracking just to walk into a place but after a chat with Mike you’ll be set.

Do I have to be referred?

Not at all, if you want to come and see us – just give us a call and we will arrange time for you.

I want my friend/partner/parent/child to come in, how do I do that?

Well firstly, if you want someone esle to come and see us and they don’t want to – they don’t have to. However, you can come in yourself and discuss with Mike what you want to achieve and what you can achieve. You may have some legitimate concerns and one of services we offer support to family, whanau and partners.

 So what is the process?

It’s not much of a big deal, for whatever reason you come to our place. You’ll sit down, or perhaps over the phone have a chat with Mike about what’s going on. We don’t have to go into the nitty gritty details, Mike just needs to know what kind of support we can help with. He is a down to earth, straight talking kind of guy who has heard hundreds of stories. Once Mike gets to know you a little you’ll discuss the support you may need. For example if you wanted to see a counsellor – by this point he will have a good idea of who you might like to work with. If it is some sort of service we don’t provide – or help coping with a service, he will have some pretty good advice on what your next steps could be.

 What can abuse look like? Am I being abused?

Only you can decide what it is that you have been through or are going, and what that means to you. We have people that you can chat with to help work through any concerns you may have. All concerns are valid.

Physical abuse is often the easiest form of abuse to identify for ourselves. When someone hits or threatens you and/or those around you with violence this is physical abuse. This can happen to males at any age from anyone and can be preceded by emotional/mental abuse.

Emotional/Mental abuse is far easier to brush aside or be confused about. If spending time with someone significant leaves you feeling worthless, isolated and/or depressed this may be a sign of emotional/mental abuse. People sometimes describe it as feeling like "...walking on eggshells".

Sexual Abuse of children in New Zealand is prevalent, 1 in 6 boys under the age of 16 are sexually abused. The impacts of sexual abuse may become serious and lifelong; negatively affecting self, families, others and day to day life. Sexual abuse can often be about power rather than sexual attraction. 

For further more indepth definitions and descriptions consider following these links;

http://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/

http://www.burstingthebubble.com/what-is-sexual-abuse.htm

http://www.stopitnow.org/ohc-content/defining-child-sexual-abuse

http://www.projectpave.org/6-types-abuse

Abusive relationships can occur to anyone at any time in their lives and can cost us our happiness, our goals and our dreams.

I think my kid has been abused but he won't talk to me.

Please don't sit in anguish, give us a call and we can work through it with you.

What services do you offer?

Male Support Services WAIKATO services are free and we offer;

Is it all namby pamby guys, do you sit around and cry?

Mostly we laugh at ourselves, each other. It’s exhausting to sit around and cry all the time. Sometimes people might like to have a cry in a counselling session – that is up to them. Generally in the lounge and kitchen we keep things light hearted even when we’re talking about the serious stuff.

Is it just a bunch of wanky guys sitting around moaning and bitching?

No.

Will everyone know what I told the counsellor/psychologist/therapist?

No. Noone will know what you and your counsellor/psychologist/therapist spoke about unless you tell them yourself. Not your parent(s), not your partner, not even your dog. There are a few instances in which there is a requirement to disclose information to others and this will be outlined clearly in your first session. Generally this is if there is a fear that you are likely to harm yourself or others, or if there is serious concern for your safety. The counsellor or psychologist will discuss this with you before taking any action.

So, what kind of people go there?

We have people from all walks of life with all kinds of personalities for all sorts of reasons. People who seek help understanding and dealing with the past, some want to get a handle on their present and some want help creating their futures. We have people who want support escaping violent relationships, support in coping with dysfunctional relationships, dealing with childhood trauma, dealing with emotional and mental abuse, depression. We have people come in for short term help and people who need a safe space for long term development.

I love what your doing and I want to help.

Male Support Services WAIKATO are a charitable not for profit organisation, we can always use financial support. We have a Donations button under the menu on the left hand side of the About Us page. We also welcome expressions of interest from people and have a Register as a friend of MSSAT button which will take you to a new page. For any other support offers please contact Mike.

Do you deal with people who sexually abuse others?

No, set up in conjunction with MSSAT Christchurch we originally focused on helping males deal with childhood sexual abuse. It is not appropriate for people who have experienced childhood sexual abuse to have to work alongside perpetrators. There are other places for perpetrators or people who feel in danger of perpetrating.

Places for people who have or fear they may commit a sexual offense

SAFE: http://www.safenetwork.org.nz/

WELLSTOP : http://www.wellstop.org.nz/about-us